When we divorce, the grand pain is not from your wife or ex-wife. It’s from the people around you including your wife’s friends and your friends. They firmly stand by the side of your wife for no reason. It’s important to address this issue. We cannot change what people think. The primary purpose of this article is not to show how to convince them, but to have you understand that it’s 100% not your fault. Their hostility against you is REAL, but it has nothing to do with you. They are the ones who are narrow-sighted and of poor vision.
Wife’s friends vs. your friends
First, we identify who these friends/family members are. Not all of them are your wife’s friends. They are divided into several tiers and may cause serious damage to you psychologically and legally in different ways:
Tier 1: Your own loved ones:
These relatives and friends are someone who have known you since childhood. They may be your siblings or very close friends since a child. They have known you earlier than your ex-wife, but when you come to divorce, they stand on the side of your ex-wife. They just don’t want to hear what you have to say. Whatever story (about your marriage) you tell, they will talk back and tell you to stop talking. Sometimes, they will seriously ask you: “Do you really think there is nothing wrong about yourself?” They don’t agree with your solution. Sometimes, they might tell you this in a indifferent hands-off manner: “As a good friend, I will support you in everything you do.”
Tier 2: Mutual friends with ex-wife.
You and your ex probably might have hundreds (if not thousands) of mutual friends on social media. When you divorce, your ex writes a complaint on facebook, a lot of which is not true. But the post comes out a successful campaign against you. It was “liked” by your mutual friends, and even left a message to express their support to your ex-wife to be against you. Don’t they know you see it too? When you are blocked by your ex-wife and cannot see your children, these people are still hanging out with your ex-wife and children and taking happy pictures. You try to contact your ex-wife through these people, but they are indifferent to you and tell you to be patient and don’t disturb your children yet. Sometimes they will suddenly ask you sensitive questions like a spy sent by your ex-wife. Sometimes the secrets you ranted to them will pass on into your ex-wife’s ears after a while.
Tier 3: Ex-wife’s best friend, ex-wife’s family.
Although these people are the wife’s friends and family members, you always thought that they liked you very much. For example, the former father-in-law and mother-in-law were very proud of having you as a son-in-law. Sometimes, they would scold your ex-wife for you, hoping that she would treat you better. But when you got divorced, they all changed, They cut off relations and communications with you completely, and even wrote messages to scold you. You will have a very bad feeling that it seems that the whole world is scolding you. The ex-wife’s team is only a dozen or so at most, but it feels that the 8 billion people are scolding you.
Why do your friends scold you more than your wife’s friends do?
Being rejected by close people is a unique pain for fathers. In addition to being brainwashed by the ex-wife, their own ruthless expressions and ruthless responses to you are really incomprehensible.
Here, we analyzed some possible reasons for these close people to side with their ex-wife instead of you. Most of the time, it’s not about who you really are. It’s just about what gender you are. It wouldn’t be not like that if you’re gendered female today.
Here’s why we’ve sorted it out:
1. As a “fan” of your wonderful marriage, they feel lost seeing your divorce:
They just love the relationship between you and your ex-wife so much. They are very happy they can witness a beautiful couple (you and your ex). They are jealous in a good way. They pay attention to you. Seeing you two together make them believe in love and become full of hope for the world. When he knows that you are going to divorce, and you are such a bad husband in the eyes of your ex-wife, their ideal idols are shattered. They just vent their anger on you. Maybe it’s their last expectation for you. They hope you can fix it right.
2. They want to be “good husbands” in their family:
These happen to male family members. As said in “red pill vs. blue pill” that’s often discussed in father circles, these male family members still believe in the world of “Happy Wife, Happy Life”. They believe that marriage is going to be okay as long as men are nice to women, men take good care of them, men love their wives well. If they support you, it is a violation of their life principles, and they will not be able be remain a “good husband” in the eyes of their wives. They might believe you are just in a temporary obsession, and so they will temporarily show support to your ex-wife, hoping that you will repent and come back to be a good husband.
3. They are competing with you as animal nature:
Again, this is usually applicable only to male family members. They are ordinary males with poor empathy and self-righteousness. They believe in whatever they see as the real truth, and they will not doubt. The ex-wife who sounds so soft and pitiful is definitely not a liar or an abuser in their eyes. The competition of men makes them not like you very much in the first place (they usually don’t like other men too much either). They will ignore your pain without even realizing the pain exists. They even think you “overreacted”. Even until they get divorced themselves, they don’t realize that they should be nicer to other divorced men.
4. Purely out of sympathy for women:
This is still related to the “red pill vs. blue pill”. These people still believe that women are very pitiful. When they see your nice-looking ex-wife, they won’t be convinced that your ex-wife is actually very sinister and vicious. They just see how you bullied a woman of lower power. They can’t accept your behavior at all. They think you are the bad guy, not your ex-wife. So, at the most important time where you need them, they will not appear in court to testify for you .
5. Sympathy for your children:
They don’t support you because of the sympathy of you and your ex-wife’s children. It totally makes sense and reasonable because children are very susceptible during the divorce. Divorce causes long-term repercussion on children’s life in many ways. However, it’s again because of their belief in “Happy Wife, Happy Life”, they attribute your children’s suffering to your inability to maintain a good marriage. What they fail to realize is that it’s totally not in your control (to have a good married life).