Co-parenting counseling: Fathers must know why it might not work as well as you thought

Co-parenting counseling: Fathers must know why it might not work as well as you thought

At the beginning of the divorce, many father will like to be friendly and kind at first. He even paid for co-parenting counseling in preparation for the new post-divorce parenting role. He will try to use reasonable logic to resolve he and his wife’s problems. He wish that the two will still be a good father and mother of their lovely children. In the early days of the discussion, everything seemed so peaceful.

The most touching part of the conversation might be crossing generations. This divorcing couple might try to learn from the previous generation’s marriage failure. The father will remind his divorcing wife of the problems of her family of origin and try not to repeat the same mistake to their children, who didn’t know their parents are already talking about divorce at this time.

However, I can reaffirm with you that this discussion will not be there after 1 year. The divorce usually doesn’t end up like the beginning. This is what makes men angry. They feel they have been cheated. They talked about peace at the beginning, but the friendliness was answered with a Temporary Restraint Order (TRO). He will see his ex-wife pouring tears in court and saying something violent and mistreating never happened to her.

Why co-parenting counseling doesn’t work to your wife?

Fathers don’t understand why the divorce can’t end well? Why can’t they be friends after divorce? Why doest his wife doesn’t want to do co-parenting counseling just for their children?

Yes, this is the key. Divorced couples are rarely true friends. The best you can do is becoming face friends who try to forget the scar wounds. Most of the wounds happened during and after the divorce, not before.

The main reason why divorced couples cannot be friends is on the female side. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s just a natural difference between men and women. It’s something that men must know before he starts to discuss about divorce.

Men have to know, as soon as the girl loses feelings for you, she will try to get ride of any bondage tied to her. She is anxious to cut it off clean. There was a divorce case where a father and his wife co-founded a successful company. When they discuss about divorce, the father was willing to co-run the company with his wife to continue the business. At his surprise, we will tell him to change his mind as post-divorce partnership is nearly impossible for women. After months, this is exactly what happens. The ex-wife not only refused to partnership, but she also even makes an attempt to takeover the company under her total control. Fortunately, the husband was warned in advance (by us) beforehand, and he made arrangement first to prevent the takeover.

We all know that the best way is to break up peacefully. The best way is to take care of the children together. However, what we have observed is that men are more likely to learn from co-parenting counseling, women tend to cut it clean and refuse to share custody together. Such a cutting method may lead to faster recovery, but it leaves her dear children who will suffer.

How should I protect myself while being friendly?

Before all happens, you think you need to show more kindness. You want to be friendly to prevent your wife to do bad things against you. How can you be friendly to your wife while being protective against the attacking wife?

1. You must find a lawyer. We repeat, no matter how nice your conversion is going right now, you need to get a lawyer! This might sound counterintuitive to you as you want to save money and avoid having some outsider join the dispute between you and your wife. You might even think you won’t be so “failed” to communicate with your wife. However, experience shows that you must first find a lawyer, and the lawyer will give you the correct step-by-step instruction for your next step towards divorce. If you are not yet divorcing, the lawyer can list things you must be careful about.

2. Always keep more resources to yourself than to your wife. We have seen too many cases where the father divorced and left the house to his wife and children. He might even transfer the ownership to his wife to show he is of love and responsibility. After the house was transferred, he received a fake Temporary Restraint Order (TRO) from his wife, with whom he was just discussing divorce peacefully one week ago. The TRO makes the father no longer allowed to see his children. This father doesn’t even have a place to sleep and his finances are suddenly in trouble because he no longer has any mood to work. He starts to suffer depression, which is used by his wife again as a proof that the father is not suited te be the children’s caregiver. The father was left completely hopeless in life. So, don’t give your assets away to deprivs you of the resources to care for your children and ex-wife in the future. Keep your resources intact by your side. You can think of it this way, if you want to treat your ex-wife kindly, wait until years after when you begin to give surprise financial “gifts” to her.

3. Take advantage now to put down contract. Since you and your wife is still in a friendly discussion, you should take advantage to put something down in black and white, not just verbal agreement. For example, you will each share half of the time with your children, but what is half? What are the dates to pick up children and where should he pick it up. If he does not get children, she can be fined. A divorce agreement is a contract under the civil law, and it is executed as it is signed between husband and wife. Take advantage of this peaceful time to write down the divorce agreement instead of creating a “good atmosphere” that will disappear at any time.

In short, there is no need to break the friendly atmosphere, but you must be ready for its breaking at any time. The most painful thing for a father is seeing his friendliness trampled on the ground, and seeing what he originally tried to show love gesture to turn into hatred. It will be a lot of pain. Please prepare yourself from the beginning.