The so-called “Men hate men” syndrome is the observation that men are usually not good listeners to other men and do not show empathy towards other men. In family court, men may feel isolated or unsupported due to a perceived bias in favor of women. And the people who hold the bias include both men and women. In opposite, research has suggested that women may be more likely to form close social networks and to seek support from other women. In addition to being naturally more empathetic and nurturing, there might be historical reasons too. Women may have historically had fewer opportunities for advancement in male-dominated fields, which can lead to a sense of solidarity and support among women in those environments.
In this article, we try to seek ways to work around the issue of “men hate men” and provide good ideas to breakthrough men’s isolation in divorce. The following are seen as primary reasons why men cannot support fellow men and even decided to support the woman in the family court, sometimes more avidly and unconditionally than women:
1. Being vulnerable means being weird
One factor is the societal expectation that men should be strong and independent, which can make them feel pressure to suppress their emotions and not show vulnerability. it can create a sense of shame or embarrassment when they do. This can make it difficult for men to connect with each other emotionally and to feel comfortable sharing their feelings – because that would mean that the men are weak and “weird”.
If a divorced father is feeling vulnerable and in need of support, there are several steps he can take to seek comfort and assistance from others, even in a society that may view vulnerability in men as “weird.”
Engage in self-care:
Taking care of yourself is critical when going through a difficult time. Engaging in activities that you enjoy can help reduce stress and improve your mental health. Developing self-care practices is an important aspect of maintaining mental and emotional health. It means that you don’t need anyone else. Self-care can include a range of activities, such as exercise, meditation, or engaging in hobbies or interests. It is essential to remember that self-care is the best, safe, independent aspect of maintaining overall well-being. By developing a range of strategies for initiating self-care well-being and building supportive relationships patiently, men can gradually work towards a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Join a new-generation men’s support group:
There are support groups for men in a range of situations, including those who are going through divorce or custody battles. These groups can provide a sense of community and support from others who may be experiencing similar challenges. These are men who have been going through the same biased family court as you. You can, as a group, to challenge societal expectations around masculinity and vulnerability. By expressing your vulnerability and seeking support, you may inspire others to do the same, ultimately helping to break down these societal barriers.
In emergency, reach out to family and friends:
If all of the above failed and you feel really alone, it is essential to remember that family and friends can be a valuable source of support. If you have close friends or family members who you trust, consider reaching out to them and sharing your feelings. These people are a good start point to develop the correct impression of men.
2. Men hate men because they are potential competitors
Traditional gender roles often place men in competitive situations with each other, whether it’s in the workplace, sports, or social situations. This can create a “men hate men” culture where men feel they need to compete with each other rather than support each other. It can also lead to a lack of trust between men, as they may be wary of others’ motives. The competitive culture among men can lead to a lack of support for one another, even in situations like family court where the court professionals including the judges are mostly males. To lower the sense of competition and earn friendly support, men can take several steps:
Seek common ground to develop a sense of empathy in him:
Finding areas of shared interest or values can help break down barriers and foster a sense of connection and understanding. By helping him put himself in your shoes and trying to understand your perspective, he can develop a greater sense of empathy and understanding towards you, which can help break down the competitive mindset.
Building trust can help lower the unfriendliness and competitiveness among men in family court and earn more support from fellow men. Although men are competitive against each other, men would fight for each other when one feels trustful. One way to build trust is by being honest and transparent in one’s actions. This can mean being open about one’s experiences and feelings, as well as being truthful in interactions with others. For example, if a man is having a difficult time with the court process, he can be honest with other men about how he is feeling and what he is going through. This can help build trust and establish a sense of empathy and understanding.
Another way to build trust is by being reliable and consistent in one’s actions. This can mean following through on commitments and being there for others when they need support. For example, if a man agrees to try something godo to his children, he should make a concerted effort to show up consistently. This would show a trustworthy image to the family court and also imbue other men who witness the perseverance.
Challenge negative stereotypes:
Men can work towards challenging negative stereotypes around masculinity and vulnerability, which can help create a more supportive culture for everyone. Joining groups or organizations that are focused on supporting men or promoting positive male identity can help men connect with others and develop a sense of community. When men fight assertively for their own rights, people might see there might be something wrong with the system or with themselves. Other men will detect their inner nature of competitiveness against this man, and rectify it in time.
3. Men just want to show off
Men may be more likely to prioritize individual achievement and competition, which can lead to a sense of isolation and reluctance to seek help or support from others. Some men may have a tendency to show off in social situations. showing off may be a common behavior in some all-male discussion groups. So, it’s not really “men hate men”. A man just failed to recognize his showing-off behavior might create an atmosphere of competition and one-upmanship, which can discourage others from participating or sharing their own experiences and knowledge. This behavior may stem from a desire to establish dominance or prove oneself to others. There may be a variety of reasons why someone feels the need to show off, including low self-esteem, a desire for validation, or a need to feel important. In some cases, showing off may be a way to compensate for feelings of inadequacy or insecurity.
It can be frustrating when someone is not truly listening to the man’s needs or concerns, and instead providing unsolicited advice or showing off their knowledge. When seeking support from another man in family court or any other situation, it’s important to be clear about what kind of support you’re looking for and to establish clear boundaries around what you need.
One way to do this is to start the conversation by clearly stating what kind of support you’re looking for. For example, you could say something like, “I’m really struggling with the emotional toll of this court process, and I’m looking for someone who can offer me some empathy and support.” This can help set the tone for the conversation and make it clear that you’re not looking for unsolicited advice or a lengthy teaching.
It’s also important to establish clear boundaries around what you need and what you don’t need. If someone is providing unsolicited advice or showing off their knowledge, you can politely but firmly let them know that you’re looking for something else. For example, you could say something like, “I appreciate your advice, but right now I’m really just looking for someone to listen and offer me some emotional support.”
By being clear about what kind of support you’re looking for and establishing clear boundaries around what you need, you can help ensure that the person you’re talking to is truly listening to your needs and providing the kind of support you’re looking for. It’s also important to remember that not all men exhibit the behavior of showing off or providing unsolicited advice, and there may be other men who are more empathetic and supportive in their interactions.
4. Men hate men because they have their own wives to please
Another reason of the “men hate men” phenomenon is because of their wives’ stances. For example, when a man tries to support his male buddy’s divorce case, he may be interrupted by his wife, who may say: “If you support that horrible, divorcing man, then you are just like him.” In order to maintain a “good husband” or “good man” image in front of his family, he may feel he cannot show support to other men in family court. Over time, he may become brainwashed and show hostility towards other men in family court.
It is true that social pressure and cultural expectations can play a significant role in how men behave and interact with each other, including in situations like family court. Men may feel pressure to conform to traditional gender roles and to prioritize their relationships with their wives or partners over their friendships with other men. This can lead to situations where men feel they cannot show support for other men in family court, out of fear of being seen as disloyal or “just like” the man they are supporting. This kind of pressure and stigma has been very harmful and already contribute to a culture of silence and isolation for men who are going through difficult situations like divorce and custody battles.
One way to address this “men hate men” issue is for men to actively challenge these harmful social norms and expectations, both within their personal relationships and in wider society. This can involve having open and honest conversations with their partners about the importance of supporting friends in need, and working to create a culture of empathy and support among their peer groups. It can also involve advocating for more equitable and just family court systems, and working to reduce the stigma and shame that can often surround divorce and other difficult life transitions. By actively challenging harmful gender norms and promoting a culture of support and compassion, men can help create a more just and equitable society for all.