Hate my wife: Is it normal? What can I do?

Hate my wife Is it normal What can I do

A man can say “hate my wife” for many different reasons. If it’s serious enough to initiate a divorce or you are already in the process of divorcing, we have to manage the hatred and transform it to something else.

Why? It is impossible for a person to feel hate towards someone without feeling any attachment to them. If a man finds himself hating his wife, he is likely hoping to see bad things happening to her. Hatred doesn’t give a healthy momentum to divorce a wife. We need some other emotion as strong as hatred but providing a detachment which is much needed by a man struggling in divorce.

Why contempt might be better than hate my wife

If a husband is feeling contempt towards his wife, it can be a challenging and painful situation for both partners. However, surprisingly it might be a good start to help separate from your wife. Here are some steps that the husband can take to transform the contempt to productive power.

First of all, it is important for the husband to acknowledge his feelings of contempt and to take ownership of that contempt to use that for his own use. In men’s world, contempt can be used as a source of motivation in a more productive way. For example, if someone has experienced discrimination or prejudice, they may channel their “being depiced” into “depicing others” by turning the frustration into productive action, such as advocacy or social justice work. In this case, the contempt (or “counter-contempt”) is not directed at an individual or group of individuals, but rather at a systemic issue that needs to be addressed. Similarly, contempt can sometimes be used as a way to overcome obstacles or challenges.

In both of these cases, contempt is the primary motivator, although people don’t admit that. We don’t need to. We’ll just use it.

Source of contempt toward your wife

Having contempt to your wife (instead of “hate my wife”) is typically characterized by feelings of disrespect and disgust towards one or more of her or her traits. The sources of contempt include the following:

1. Personal history:

Contempt can be shaped by your wife’s past experiences and what she has done in her life – perhaps before marriage. These past events might have been traumatic for her at first (for example, having childhood trauma in her family of origin) but turned out to be a motivator to traumatize others in her later life. These experiences can contribute to your tendency to feel contemptuous towards her – to heal yourself from the trauma being caused by her during your marriage.

2. Social and cultural factors:

Social and cultural factors can also play a role in the formation of contempt. For example, you might be feeling contempt towards your wife because of her association with a group of close friends who are considered inferior or offending. You may have had disagreements or conflicts with your wife’s friends in the past, which could be fueling your feelings of contempt. In this case, the contempt may be a way of expressing frustration or anger towards the group as a whole.

3. Personality traits:

Certain personality traits of your wife, such as serious anger problem or a need for control, can also contribute to the development of contempt against her. These traits of her may cause you to view her as unworthy of respect. Some of the contempt can also be influenced by cognitive biases, such as the tendency to view the world in black and white terms. These biases can cause you to view her in a negative light and to dismiss or discount her positive qualities.

Don’t let go despise. Use it constructively and positively

We have to note that thinking of oneself as superior to others is not a healthy way to gain self-wellbeing. This type of thinking can lead to negative behaviors, such as arrogance, disrespect, and even discrimination towards others. It can also create a false sense of self-esteem that is based on comparing oneself to others rather than on genuine self-worth. It is important to recognize that feeling contempt towards your wife in this situation is not healthy or productive for the relationship. So, it is important to try to approach the situation with respect and civility. Just keep the method to yourself. Don’t over-use it.

During the traumatic divorce procedures and endless legal assaults from your wife, it is smart to use a feeling of contempt to lower your pain. Being contemptuous might help you through the difficult process, in the following ways:

1. Using “Eagle Mentality” to create safe padding:

The “eagle mentality” is a go-to motto for man:

“The eagle does not respond or fight with the crow. It simply opens up its wings and begins to rise higher and higher in the sky.”

It can be productive for the husband to hold negative or contemptuous feelings towards his wife during a divorce in a way he has never thought before. For men, thinking ourselves as superior can effectively cut off the endless ransom by your wife during the divorce process. Comparing yourself to others or thinking of yourself as superior to others can often create feelings of disconnection with your wife and her supporters around her.

2. Rebuild confidence quickly

It is very tempting for a man who has been belittled by his wife for many years to strike back with contempt. Such behavior might not only be a fair but a very productive way of rebuilding confidence that he has long lost in the relationship. It can enable the man to escalate his counter-offensive, while his wife is constantly escalating her negative behavior towards him.

It is important to note, however, responding with contempt may provide a temporary boost to the man’s confidence, but it does not sustain it. In order to truly rebuild confidence and address the effects of the wife’s long-term abuse, it is necessary to start your divorce when the time is ready.

3. Motivate to leave her and find a new Miss Perfect

Being contempt to wife (rather than “hate my wife”) actually motivates a man not to be too sticky to her. It is wise to use contempt as a way of lower the man’s dependency (often emotional or habitual) towards his wife. It is because when he belittle his wife, he will find himself in a different level from her. He doesn’t need to be with her anymore. Being with her and going through all these hassle is a waste of his lifetime. That is, the man will no longer be a receptor of the wife’s abuse.

Usually, finding a partner who shares the same values, communicates well, and is respectful can sound very difficult and almost impossible when the man comes to his 40’s, 50’s or even 60’s. However, the contempt motivates the man to go out and give it a try (after divorce, of course). He is more willing to exit that relationship to start a new one, where he imagines to be with a partner at the same level as him. The man will believe he will be much better when he finds someone who can communicate with him, share the same value with him, and be respectful of him as he is also respectful to her in reciprocal.

Using contempt as a way to motivate oneself to exit a relationship (and exiting “hate my wife”) can be smart. It is a easier way to manage a difficult situation like divorce. While it is understandable that someone who has been in an abusive relationship may feel he is no longer competitive or worthy for a new partner, it is important to exit the old and start anew in a way that is safe and respectful as soon as possible.